I feel like people have a lot of opinions on parenting. And a lot of these opinions (most often the strongest) come from those who do not have children. People like to look at other people with their children and say, "My kid will never do that," "I'll never let my child behave like that/have that/do that, etc." I am one of those people. We are quick to assert that we know best how to raise children and the right approach. But man, we have no idea! I had my own opinions, but I never felt like I knew how to raise children. In fact, the closer that I get to my due date, the more terrified I am of how inadequate of a parent I'll be!
But I too have my own opinions. I call them the "Never Will I Evers." Now these are not a judgment on parents who have used these tactics or do these traditions. To each his own and you know your child and what works for them (although some of these I feel will have scary results). Ok, no judgment. Just, if you see something on this list that you do, please don't be offended. This list is more going to be ironic, because if you ask me in 10 years, I bet I will have done half of these things! We think we know best until we have children of our own! This is just me chronicling my naive and optimistic thinking.
Never Will I Ever...
1. Participate in Elf on the Shelf
I think it's creepy. And manipulative. If you're playing Santa, you're already telling your children that a big old fat man is keeping tabs on everything they do. When they cry, when they're awake, when they're sleeping. That's creepy in itself. And manipulative. "Don't throw that tantrum cause Christmas is around the corner and you want Santa to bring you presents." And now we introduce an elf that hides in a new spot every day that is spying on them, who will report back to Santa how they're doing. I don't understand the fun in it. I'd be paranoid all the time! I want my children to choose to do the right thing because it is the right thing, not because Santa will bring them stuff. Plus it takes away even more the real reason for celebrating Christmas: Jesus' birth. It's more commercialism of Christmas (and genius marketing-- $30 for that thing!). You will not see an Elf on the Shelf- or a lamp, or a table, or a cubby- in our house.
2. Put my child on a leash
Every one has big opinions on this. You have the people who are appalled by this practice and then the people who swear that it's necessary so that they don't lose their child. And I can see both sides. But once again, I want my children to do what is right because it is right, and that includes obeying me when I tell them to stay with me. And that requires me to keep an eye on them if they do start to wander. Gone are the days when you can meander by yourself through Target only looking at the product on the shelves or the racks. Now you have to multi-task by managing a little one at the same time (if they run off then stick them in your cart and buckle them in!) And what happened to natural consequences? When I was little, it only took one, maybe two times, for me to not be paying attention, look up for my mom and realize that she wasn't in the same aisle anymore. And. I. Panicked. And I learned my lesson. I think parents are too paranoid that if they lose track of their child for one second that they will be kidnapped. Sure, that could happen, but statistically that's not the case. And if you have good practice at stores, then taking them to an amusement park won't be so overwhelming.
3. Avoid parenting responsibility while trying to make them behave.
There have been so many times when I am at work and a child is misbehaving and the parent will see me and say to the child, "Oh, you better not do that, or she's going to take you to jail." Seriously? Your child doesn't respect you enough for you to discipline them and tell them to stop going up the down escalator (which I don't really care about), throw a tantrum, make a mess in a toys aisle, etc. You have to put that responsibility on someone else? Be a parent and teach your child how to be a respectable citizen. Again, I don't want my children to behave simply to avoid punishment (like jail), but because they know what they should and shouldn't be doing.
4. Lie to my child to avoid parenting.
On the same lines, I'll have parents with their children reach the check out line and the child is clutching a toy. You can tell that they've been carting this thing around the store for a while because of how attached they are to it. The parents will have me ring up everything else in the cart and then when they're done they'll tell the child, "Ok, we have to leave the toy here now." The child will start to get upset and the parents will say, "She (me) says that it's not for sale so you have to leave it here." Wow. Then the parents will take the toy, hand it to me, and say, "We changed our minds on this item." Don't let your child pick up the toy in the first place. Be able to tell your child no instead of blaming others for what you don't want them to have!
5. Let our kids sleep in our bed every. single. night.
We have our bed. They have theirs. I want my space. I don't think I ever spent a night out of my bed. If I had a nightmare or was sick I'd either call for my parents and they'd come into my room until I fell back asleep, or I'd go into their room and they'd walk me back to my room and stay with me until I fell asleep. And I never had a problem with it. I never felt shut out or unloved or abandoned at all. I knew where I could find my parents at night and that they'd come to me if I called when I was scared that the monster would grab my ankle if I got out of bed.
6. Take my kids to Disneyland too young. (I'm most likely to break this one- probably if there's a family trip or we get to go for free)
I'm not really sure what I qualify as "too young." I guess if they're not old enough to remember it. Disneyland is expensive and when they're so little you're pretty much confined to Fantasyland because they're too short for a lot of other rides (there are exceptions around the park, although some like Haunted Mansion they're tall enough for but it's too scary). When parents take their kids to Disneyland too young it's more for the parents memories and their experience of it, not for the kids. Which is fine. I just want my kids to remember it.
7. Let them watch inappropriately rated movies and shows.
It's rated PG-13 for a reason. It's rated R for a reason. It's rated PG for a reason! I am shocked when I'll talk to young kids and find out what they've seen. And parents think it's no big deal. "Oh, my kid can handle it. He's mature for his age." Maybe he is, but maybe he isn't. And the risk can be huge to your child's psychological and mental health. The studies on this are numerous and profound. Just monitor what your child is watching, or he may be scarred for life by what you are letting him see. Or parents say, "He's seen a lot because his older siblings watch it." It's the whole family's responsibility to protect each other. It's ok to set limits and rules for all of your children.
That's all that I can think of right now. Let's see how we do! :)
