No news on the job for me yet.

Yesterday I started a new women's Bible study with our church. It's a Beth Moore study on James. I'm really excited about it. Two years ago I started a Bible study but was unable to finish it because I was so busy with college. Now I'm done with college. Which should mean that I'll have more time. Of course I've also learned that you have to be able to make time. Which I feel like I'm getting better at. But maybe I'm not. I just have less on my plate, which seems to be changing.

I went to a yoga class last night. I hadn't done yoga in a looong time. Not since that disastrous time at our old apartments with the odd chanting. Last night's class was taught by the teacher that I first had at Bally's, but she hosts it down at the harbor. I was pleased with how much my body remembered. I hope I'll be able to continue to go as long as I don't work Monday nights.

Doug and I are also starting a discipleship group with our high school students. We'll be reading through some classic Christian books starting with The Great Divorce. I've been doing some background research on C.S. Lewis to get some perspective on where he might have been coming from when he wrote it. I'm also looking into other commentaries so that I can have the most information available about it. I haven't read it since I was in Joshua so I don't remember that much of it.

I've also been going through my "week-in reviews" from Joshua. Every week while we were there we had to write about the past week, and at the end we were given a compilation of all of our reviews. I remember a lot of that year, but it's interesting to read over the shoulder of the person who I used to be. 

A lot of this has been weighing on my heart as I think about this job opportunity that has come up. It wouldn't be imminent, my district manager just wanted to put the idea out there. But if I did something like that, I'd have a hard time being a part of ministry to our high schoolers. I started getting involved almost a year ago. At first I was a little resistent because I didn't know what to do and it was uncomfortable. I can be an awkward person socially, so I didn't feel like it was really my thing. But God's really grown me and warmed my heart to ministry and to these students. I don't want to give that up so easily, unless God is directing me to that job. Just a lot to pray and think about.

That's all for now. I have a lot of reading to do. And taxes to file.

Stop Signs and Cliffs

I haven't felt like blogging lately. And I don't know why. Maybe it's cause sometimes I feel like I have to be in a certain mood or else it's just blah blah blah. But I thought that I should update a bit. Cause it feels like a lot has happened.

Doug got a promotion at his work. He got moved to manager and an extra shift during the week. That means that two of his shifts will be regular work shifts, and three will have managerial duties (he'll oversee the people on shift during that time). 

The same week that Doug got offered the position of manager, I got noticed by my District Manager, and told that he wants to promote me to Assistant Manager. I haven't declined or accepted or had a change to pursue it (I haven't gotten to talk to him directly about it). I would be able to be manager because I have a college degree. I'm just not sure if I WANT to be a manager. I've seen a lot of stuff go down in the three years that I've been there. And part of me is hearing the message that we've been taught all our lives: Do what makes you happy. But then I hear that other voice of responsibility saying that it'll look good on a resume even if I don't stay there long. And that I can save money for the future since I want to be able to be with our kids as much as possible (which are still nonexistent!). And that other voice that we've grown up with: Sometimes you have to do things you don't really want to do, to sacrifice to "get ahead" in life. I don't like that I wouldn't have as much flexibility. Volunteering at youth group will be harder. Making plans will be harder. Spending time with my husband will be harder. These are the thoughts going through my head. Not to mention the turn over rate of the managers right now and all of the drama going on with those positions. 

This past weekend Doug and I got to go to Hume Lake for Winter Camp with our High School Church group. It was my second time counseling, and I felt a lot more comfortable than last time. I was talking to Doug while we were there how much of a time capsule Hume is for me. It's there that I feel all the time that has passed since Joshua. It's there that I feel old (I know I'm not!). It's there that I feel most inadequate. I know that's crazy. But Hume left a lot of hurt in my heart. It's the place that has grown me and broken me and healed me (all through the grace of God), yet it also hurt me almost most of all. The summer after I finished Joshua, Doug was told by one of his old Joshua mates that someone had talked about me and warned Doug that I had issues. That someone was a person that I trusted. A person that had helped me so much through the program. Who I thought understood and didn't judge me. But apparently I had too many issues. Who doesn't? I felt like Hume disowned me. That nothing that I could ever do would ever be enough. I'd always be the girl with issues. The ironic thing is that through Joshua I've conquered those issues. That dark door has stayed closed for 5 years. I love what God does through that place. Even as an adult there's something about it that touches me.

I think everyone questions how much that they have spiritually grown. Brennan Manning says to stop constantly measuring how much you've grown because it implies that you can become full grown. Not to say that we shouldn't be aware whether we are growing or not but stop obsessing how much we have grown, how many inches and feet, and how much taller we are than that person over there. I constantly go through different seasons of my life, and I find myself saying, "I feel closest to God now," And then there are times that I let myself get too busy, too distracted, and too self-sufficient. And each time God brings me back, closer and more intimate than before. I'm currently reading Francis Chan's "Crazy Love" and I'm really enjoying it. There's a lot of truth to absorb and think about, so it's hard to read a lot at once. I'm enjoying the journey that I'm on. In a way, I feel like I'm on the cusp of something. A cliff that I'm not scared to go over. A stop sign in life. The breath in between yelling Geronimo and hitting the water.

My girls and I (except for Shayde, who was scared of heights so went back up to the vans before we took our picture)

Love these mountains

And this guy...

A lot...

I think that's all that's really new with us. Next week is shaping up to be a busy one. But in a good way :]

The past few days have been a little weird for me. 

On Tuesday morning I drove my Nana and Papa to the airport. They had to be there early, so I picked them up at 5. I had a decent amount of sleep the night before (didn't get to bed as early as I hoped, but still had adequate rest). I woke up a minute before my alarm did not feeling that well. I felt warm and just...off. I took my temperature but was my normal (97.5) so I wrote it off. I had to stop at a gas station on the way to fill up my tank. As I was filling it up I suddenly had to throw up. I went to a trash can and threw up until I was done. A truck pulled in while I was doing that and the guy came over and asked if I was ok. He asked if I had the flu or something. I told him I didn't know. He asked if I wanted water or ginger ale. It crossed my mind then that he may have thought I was drunk considering it was 4:45 at a gas station. Oh well. I wasn't. I said thanks but I was ok and went over to my parents'. 

I got some water and Nana and Papa and we were off to the airport. I was feeling better by then so I thought I'd be fine. We got to the LA area and then I had to exit the freeway because I was starting to throw up. Nana and Papa felt really bad and bought me a Coke hoping that it'd make me feel better. We continued and I almost made it to the airport but had to stop again at a gas station when we exited. 

I took the PHC back so that I'd be able to stop quickly if I needed rather than find a nearest exit. I only had to stop one other time. Again someone asked if I was okay and if I needed water. I was over the idea of putting anything in my stomach again. But it's nice to know that people still care about complete strangers. I got home and threw up one more time. I didn't even have time to kick off my sandals after I got into our apartment.

I went straight to bed and crashed for 3 hours. I woke up and called in sick to work. I didn't work till 6:30 but I wanted to give them enough time to find a replacement since I didn't know if I'd be well enough to work. I took it easy the rest of the day. I ate some soup and Doug brought me juice to help keep me hydrated. But I didn't throw up again. And I was fine the next day. And no, I'm not pregnant. For sure. And I don't think it was food poisoning? Doug ate everything that I did except for a can of soup, but I didn't think you could get sick from a can of soup that doesn't expire for 2 years. Either way it was a pretty miserable morning. I just wanted to get home and go to sleep.

My back has still been bothering me so I made an appointment to see my doctor today. Just to rule out anything serious going on since I didn't have a trauma to it and haven't had problems before. She checked me out and everything is ok. She said that backs can be in pain from 3 days to 3 months. I hope I don't have trouble for 3 months. She just advised trying to rest it, put heat on it (although yesterday and today I've had better luck with ice), take Aleve, and she prescribed some muscle relaxants for night time. I was glad that they were cheap (go Target pharmacy). It is feeling better today, but that can change pretty quickly.

Today I did a lot of errands and house stuff. Doug and I got the Christmas decorations put away (boo) and I did the laundry (boo again). I also made dinner. A friend of mine blogged about an enchilada lasagna that she made up and she was kind enough to send me the recipe. It was really good. Doug liked it too, except for the bell peppers. I cleaned up again and have felt like I'm putting stuff away all night. I keep finding little things to put away. I'm finally done for the day (I'll finish tomorrow before our friends come over). 


                                                                  The Enchilada Lasagna

So it's been a weird couple of days. Not bad. Just off. I feel like stuff is re-settling again, like I'm needing to readjust, but I don't know what exactly I'm adjusting to. 

Nana and I got to hang out on Monday at my apartment. She loved that Luna and I matched

Cuddling with Nana

My parents got her a toy from the dollar section for Christmas. It used to be attached to a stick, and it used to look kind of like a fish (Reagan insisted it was a mouse). This was when there was still cotton in it. Now it's just the fabric shell. But she still loves it and plays with it and brings it to us to throw. 

Helping me with laundry tonight. She loves all boxes, including our laundry basket. She'll play in them and jump in and out. She cracks us up

On Monday also there was an awesome sunset. I kept having to take another picture cause it got prettier and prettier

I love our new life and the shape that it's taking. Doug and I are excited for Saturday because we don't have work. We've designated it as a "lazy day." We'll have to see how that goes. I'm not very good at lazy days. When I have a day that I don't have to do anything, I fill it with stuff, and sometimes that bums Doug out cause he wanted a "do nothing day." We've just learned that we have different definitions of what a lazy day consists of.

Now I'm off to take some medicine and get some sleep :)

New Year's Resolutions

I have never really been a person to take New Year's resolutions seriously. And I'm still not. We spent our New Year's with my family playing our new Wii and Hi Ho Cherry-O with Reagan. We watched the ball drop in New York at 9 and celebrated with Champagne and Sparkling Grape Juice (which Reagan didn't like but enjoyed clanking glasses with everyone). We almost missed the ball dropping and had to yell for people to join us with 10 seconds to spare (good thing we all made it into the room in time!). Then people slowly drifted off to bed and only Doug, Devonna and I were awake for real midnight. We did a toast again and Doug and I drove home in the dense fog (which we were happy to find out that our apartment was above it, which also led to some cool pictures).

I like the idea of New Year's Resolutions though. Doug and I were talking about it and I was explaining how I like the idea of a clean slate, a chance to really look at yourself and decide what you'd like to change (and what you really like). We don't really do that (at least I don't, maybe others do). It's easy to look at your life and say what you'd like to change: work out more, eat healthier, no soda, no sugar, more time outside, more time with God, get a new job, finish school, be happy, make more money. The list goes on about what people want to change about themselves. The problem is that it's too much at once. It's too vague of a change. A lot of that is hard to measure. So after taking a few days to think about it, these are my resolutions:

1. Go on more date nights. Doug and I agreed a date night once every 2 weeks (more tangible than "more")

2. Be debt free by 2013. We racked up a little debt with Europe, buying a fridge, and getting used to a lifestyle when we didn't have to pay rent. This one is also tangible because it just means adjusting to a more frugal lifestyle and disciplining ourselves to get the debt paid off. 

That's really all that I've made. And I won't be beating myself up over it. Yeah, I want to eat better and get rid of my muffin tops. But I like the goals that I chose better :)

I added some items to my "bucket list." (I don't really have one, besides the goal list that has 25 items on it that I had to write in Joshua. I should look at that to see how many I've completed). Buuut. If I did have a list, then I want to spend New Year's Eve in New York City. I also want to find a good list of books to read before you die and start checking off the list. I have quite a few in my library to read through still. 

I've become obsessed with this song: 053 Fun. ft. Janelle Monae - We Are Young

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It's become a bit of an anthem for me. My go to feel-good song :)

I didn't take many pictures of Devonna and Reagan's trip out for Christmas. I let my mom take care of that. We went to the beach on Saturday though and I was the only one with a camera with memory left. Pappy, Uncle Doug, and Reagan made a pretty cool castle. 

Then when we were done and were ready to leave they let him destroy it

This season has been really busy for us (in the good one). Between work and family we haven't stopped moving. Tonight I have some down time with just me and Luna (Doug's at work). She got a bath which I'm happy about (she's not), and we're enjoying the sunset . I'm excited for winter sunsets from our balcony, with chai and sweaters. Now I have to decide what to do with my free time (first world problems, I know). 

My back's really been bothering me for the past week, and I've never really had a problem with my back before. I tried to make a doctor's appointment, but they're closed today. So I'll try tomorrow. But please pray that it starts feeling better and that they find out what's wrong with it.

Happy New Year's Everyone!