Thursday, June 26, 2014

More changes

Today is the last day in our cupboard on the hill. I am so excited for the next phase of our life but I'm sad to say goodbye to the last one. I liked the chapter that we were living in. So many exciting changes, but it's hard to let go of the past sometimes.

We've had a lot of good times in this apartment. Lots of great movie nights. Sunsets on the porch. Cozy nights with our space heater. Running for miles around our loop. Free big band concerts every Monday and Thursday. The pool was never open while we lived here haha. We brought our first pet home here. And our first child. It was perfect for where we were in life. And our next place is going to be perfect for where we are going. We're like a hermit crab finding a better fit.

Tomorrow we get the keys to our new house. It has been one heck of a ride getting to this point, but God has been faithful and has provided when we saw no hope. I can't believe we're going to be home owners! It's going to be overwhelming deciding where to put stuff because we will have OPTIONS! It's exciting and overwhelming, especially with a newborn. Doug has done most of the packing (but I did most of the packing in the last move). I pack when I can, but between caring for Coen, sleeping, and eating, that doesn't leave much time. Today I put him in the Boba and he slept for 2 hours while I was able to pack up 5 boxes (amid lots of kisses since his head is right there)

We are starting to get into more of a routine which has made life easier. I know what to expect more now. Coen has a bed time routine of getting a bath, being read Winnie the Pooh, and then I put him in the swing. The past few nights he's gone straight to sleep. Then about 3 hours later he'll wake up to feed (although last night he skipped it and slept for 6 hours!), then 3 hours later he'll wake up to feed again, and then go back down for another 3 hours. So he's sleeping for 12 hours at night, but wakes up 3 times to feed. Then he'll take a few naps throughout the day. Those vary a bit depending on the day. Sometimes he's hungry more often and others he'll go for 4 or 5 hours before being hungry again. When he's awake I'll talk to him, read to him, and sing to him. He's a pretty easy baby considering all the stories I'll hear about other people's babies.

It also helps that I'm able to get out of the house more now. I was on a driving restriction and was unable to for the past 4 weeks, but now I'm able to more easily get out of the house. Even though there's no such thing as a "target run" with a baby, it's nice to be able to go on a "target trek" or drive to my parents or just drive (I had to drive around for 40 minutes last week when Coen was having a rough day. I'm excited to go for walks with his stroller though at our new place.

I've always been such a germaphobe and people would tease me about having a kid. I figured that when it was my own kid I wouldn't really mind the mess. And I was right. I've been spit up on, peed on, and pooped on and none of it really grossed me out. At least not as much as you might think.

I feel like I'm starting to get a hang of being a mom and really starting to enjoy it. Those were some tough growing pains though!

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

He's finally sleeping...

Let me be real. It's been a rough 24 hours. Maybe a little less than that, but it's been...blah.

Last night I gave Coen his bath and then fed him and he fell asleep around 11. I laid down at 11:30 to sleep and Doug watched him till he went to bed around 12:45. Coen woke up right away though once he was put in his co-sleeper. He was hungry so I grabbed the bottle that I had expressed earlier and fed it to him. After he had fed he didn't really want to go back to sleep. I held him and rocked him until he went back to sleep. I took us back to our room thinking we had been out there maybe an hour. But it was 2:45. So I laid him back down and went to sleep. He woke up at 4:30 needing to eat again. So I brought him out to the couch and fed him. I then put him in the swing for a bit and ate a granola bar since I was super hungry. Once he fell asleep I moved us back to our room and it was 5:45. But he woke up right away and was super fussy. I tried to rock him back to sleep and cuddle with him and burp him but he was having none of it. So I brought him back out and held him and put him back in the swing. Then I laid down on the couch to sleep for a bit. Then he woke up at 7:30. He needed a diaper change so I did that but he screamed through the whole thing. So then Doug was up. And then Coen ate again. Doug headed off to work and at 9 Coen was on his way to sleep. I was exhausted so I just brought him into our bed and we slept off and on until about 11:30. Then he needed to eat again. He fell asleep for a little after that. Normally he'll sleep for 2-3 hours so I did the dishes and then planned to shower after that. I only got through the dishes before he woke up a half hour after falling asleep. So he ate again and then was just alert and happy so we hung out and I was able to get some lunch. Then he ate again and my mom came over around 3 followed by Allison and Brian. He was a little fussy then


(6/17/14)
I never finished this blog for some reason. But I want to have it archived. I don't really remember any of this.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

I feel like there are a lot of thoughts that I'll have throughout the day or week that I want to write about, and now that I actually have time, I can't think of them. Of course, two in the morning isn't normally my brainstorming time, but I'm waiting for Coen to completely pass out in the swing before sending us back to bed.

We will forever be learning more and more about this little man, but we already have made some observations:

1. Coen is loud. He is loud in his sleep. He moans and groans and I'll go to pick him up and he'll be fast asleep. In the very beginning there were even times where I'd arrange all of the pillows so that I could nurse him, then turn on the bedside light only to find him fast asleep, just making noise. He also makes noise when he eats. He'll make what I think are "yummy sounds." It makes it hard to feed him in our room in the middle of the night though cause I don't want to disturb Doug. I've told Doug not to worry about middle of the night stuff. Most of the time there's not much he can do to help, and if I'm up all night I at least will have a chance to sleep during the day. But since Doug has to get up to go to work, he should be able to sleep the best at night.

2. We think he likes bath time. The first time we gave him a bath we weren't smart and did it in our kitchen sink. We have a baby bath recliner for him to sit in and we put that in the kitchen. I'm sure it was too cold though and even though we were constantly pouring warm water over him he just wasn't having it. It could just be that it was a new experience that he wasn't used to. But tonight I turned on the heating fan in the bathroom, closed the door and filled up the tub partially with water. When he sat in his seat he was sitting in the water a bit and he seemed to love it. He didn't cry and he even fell asleep for most of the bath--even when I washed his hair. He also conked out right afterward so we're hoping it  might become part of his bedtime routine if he really does like them.

3. He loves being held. This might just be an infant thing, but I don't have much experience with that. The last couple of days he has wanted to be held most of the time. Which is fine with me. I don't believe you can spoil a baby and he won't always want to be held, or be small enough where holding him is easy. Pretty much I only put him down if I'm needing to do something myself. If I'm sitting on the couch watching TV while I nurse him and he falls asleep, I'll just continue to hold him as long as I'm there. I'll use his swing though if I need to eat or if I'm going to nap myself. But sometimes that doesn't last long and he'll want to be in actual swinging arms.

4. He doesn't have a solid routine but he definitely has some patterns of sleep and wake. He's awake mostly in the late evenings. Sometimes he'll be awake in the mornings too, but lately he'll have breakfast and then conk out for another few hours. Then it's just sleeping and eating every few hours until evening. He'll be awake for a few hours, eat one more time, and then fall asleep. He usually only wakes up once during the night, maybe twice. Of course, he doesn't usually go to bed until midnight or one, but he can usually go 4-5 hours at night. And it feels longer when we wake up and it's light out as opposed to waking up multiple times in the dark.

I think he's solidly out so we're going to go back to bed now. Got to take advantage of his sleep time!

Thursday, June 5, 2014

One week

We're hanging in there and taking each day by day. Some days have been really hard and some nights have been excruciating. And then we've had a couple nights where Coen is only up once. Two nights ago he slept from 1:30 till 7! It was terrifying cause I felt like something was wrong! But no, he was fine. I call Doug the "baby whisperer" cause he's the one to get him down most nights. He's got a special touch with him.

About a month before Coen was born I was listening to a country pandora station and heard this song and really liked it. Then I forgot all about it until my mom texted me about it and reminded me. So this song has been on my heart during the hard times. Of course, during those times I feel more like, "Yeah right!" but I know that is true.


Already there are times when Coen will finish eating and he's sleeping and I'm just holding him. Doug will suggest putting him down so that I can do something, like sleep myself or eat or shower. But I told him that I'm just too conflicted. Of course I want to do those things (especially sleep!) but I really just want to hold him and stare at him to soak it all up. It feels like such a waste to put him down sometimes. I know it's going to go so fast. Too fast.

About every other day I'll have a case of the baby blues. At least I think that's what they are. I always thought of the baby blues as being depressed or sad for no reason. No good reason at least. So I don't know if this is baby blues or not. I'll have some trigger that really overwhelms and stresses me and I'll just break down. Usually when I feel like I'm unable to take care of Coen, when I'm unable to feed him correctly, or get him to sleep. And I'll just have these thoughts of what a terrible mother I am that I can't even care for him. It's an ugly, dark place to be in and it usually strikes at the end of the day when I'm exhausted and extra tired. Doug really takes care of me in those times. I've been leaning on prayer and worship songs. Especially this one:


Coen's umbilical cord came off a little yesterday. It was hanging on by a thread for a bit but was still gooey underneath and needed to dry out. It's not infected or anything, just not done healing. So hopefully that will heal up soon so we don't have to be so careful with diapers and clothing and handling him. 

I'm still healing and feel pretty immobile. I'll be up for about 20 minutes or so and then am in too much pain and have to sit or lie down. I feel like I'll be doing a lot better once I'm healed and am only exhausted, not in excruciating pain off and on. 

Well, Coen's sleeping on my lap as I type this, but I could use a nap. Here's to many naps over the next week!

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Welcome Baby Christiansen

For this story we need to go back a few weeks. At one appointment I had been told that baby boy wouldn't be making an appearance for at least 3 weeks. I was fine with that because my due date was three weeks away. I always thought that he'd be a June baby. That I had at least till the 30th before he would come, even though it would be normal for him to be two weeks early (or two weeks late). The next appointment though when I was checked I was 1 centimeter dilated and 70% effaced and was told that he could come at any time. I got a little freaked out because I was not ready for him to be here. I had a list of stuff in my head that I felt like needed to get done. Among them was finishing our anniversary scrapbook up to date, cleaning the apartment, and setting up his co-sleeper. So I went home, made a list, and started to scratch stuff off of that list.

I was still working and was scheduled to work until a week before my due date. I had guests and co-workers alike who couldn't believe I was still working, but it wasn't a strenuous job and I didn't want to sit around at home all day. Not yet. I figured that by going out 6 days before my due date, I'd still have time to sit around the apartment, kind of get a mini staycation before the big day. So the last day I worked was Saturday the 24th.

On Monday morning, my first sleep in day (and what would end up being the last!) I started having Braxton Hicks contractions. I had had them before so they didn't alarm me. Doug and I set up the co-sleeper and I finally had completed my to-do list. My best friend, Allison, came over and we hung out a little. I had been timing my contractions before she got here, but they were irregular, and they fizzled out after she got here. False labor.

She left around 5 and I made dinner and Doug and I were watching Breaking Bad. The contractions started again around 6 so we started timing them. They were ranging from 6 to 9 minutes apart, but not growing closer or stronger. They were just there. Doug was sure I was in labor and packed the last of our things. I wasn't so sure, so I laid down at 10 to rest, just in case. I dozed in and out between 10 pm and 1 am. Sometimes the contractions woke me up and sometimes they didn't phase me. Doug came to bed around 1:30-1:45 and asked if the contractions were still happening. I told him I thought so, so we started timing them again. By the second or third contraction Doug had dozed off. I went to tell him the next one was starting and he didn't answer. Then with that contraction my water broke. So I touched his shoulder and let him know it was time. The clock said 2 am.

I didn't feel prepared for how much fluid continually gushes. No one told me! I knew there'd be a lot when it broke. I put on pants and shoes, we grabbed our stuff and headed to the car. By the time we got to the car I had had another contraction and my pants were soaked down to my sandal. I told Doug I had to go back and change my pants cause I was already wet. So we did and I put on protection so it wouldn't happen again. Like I said, who knew it'd keep gushing like that! (the baby continually produces more fluid until he is born, but it's a lot of fluid).

We live 4 minutes from the hospital, and my contractions were 4 minutes apart. As we drove I ate a Luna nutrition bar since I figured the hospital wouldn't let me eat and I wanted some energy. When we got to the hospital my contractions were 4 minutes apart. By the time we were admitted and shown to a triage room (labor and delivery was filling up), my contractions were two minutes apart. I was only 4 centimeters dilated though. And still gushing fluid everywhere. Such a weird feeling.

It became apparent that I needed a delivery room ASAP, so they found one and wheeled me over to it. I gave the doctor my birth plan and he said everything in it was fine. The most important to me was to have my mobility, not be strapped to a bed. So I asked for a saline lock (instead of being continually hooked up to an IV) and intermittent fetal monitoring (instead of having to wear those monitoring belts 24/7), and no epidural. I had done my research and decided that an epidural was not for me. To me, the benefits didn't outweigh the risks, and I wanted all the hormones that came with a natural birth. And there were a lot of benefits in itself of having a natural birth! There were quite a few other items on my birthing plan, and the hospital adhered to all of them without question.

I was monitored for about 10 minutes and then asked to get in the shower. They had gotten a good enough spread of my contractions and his activity and heartbeat and knew everything was ok, so they let me. Doug was great, rubbing my back and praying over us. He was very attentive and constantly willing to do anything I needed done.

I got in the shower and labor was already pretty intense. It was hard when I was in the room. I couldn't even sit on the bed because the pain made me too antsy. I more stood leaning onto the bed through each contraction. The shower felt amazing though. I thought I would like it because showers have always had an emotional and mental calming effect. And this was no different. The contractions got way more painful and I was constantly having to change positions to alleviate it. Sitting, leaning against the wall, squatting, all fours, standing. I pretty much moved during each contraction and then tried to sit between to allow my body some rest. The moaning and groaning also started here because it felt better to vocalize the pain than to keep silent. I also used a mantra of "My body and baby know what to do" and kept praying through it all. Doug was beside the shower the whole time, but it wasn't big enough for him to really be with me. I think it was ok though because I don't know if touch would have felt good at that point.

After 45 minutes in the shower the nurse came to tell me that they needed to monitor me again. So after the next contraction I toweled off and went back into the room. Again, I had a hard time just sitting on the bed so I was back to standing. During a contraction I yelled to Doug that I felt like I had to push. So he ran to get the nurse who promptly came. She checked me and said that I had just a little bit of cervix left, and let me have 2 more contractions and then said that I was ready to push.

The nurses and doctor weren't quite ready for me yet because it had come so quick. My saline lock was put into place in case they needed to give me medicine and my blood was drawn. It made me laugh because I was suffering through each contraction and the phlebotomist goes "ok, little pinch now" as she stuck the needle in my arm to draw blood. Yeah, I didn't feel that at all! The last few contractions I was screaming bloody murder through. It was bearable only because I knew I was so close to the end, that it wouldn't last much longer, and that was a real comfort.

The nurse coached me through how to push because I wasn't so sure (even though I had put in my birth plan to let me push as my body directed. I changed my mind on that one!). With the next contraction I started pushing. It was only 4:10 and I had dilated 6 centimeters in 2 hours. I kept pushing with each contraction and then she yelled at a nurse to get the doctor. He came in the room and we were all finally ready to have that baby. I pushed for 25 minutes and was told I was doing really well. I was told when they could see his hair. It was frustrating only being able to push during a contraction because I wanted to be done. There were a couple times where I wanted to push again but had to stop because the contraction had ended. Doug kept telling me how amazing I was doing and encouraging me. The nurse kept saying I was pushing really good and to keep it up.

He started crowning and I asked if I could feel his head as I waited for the next contraction. What a strange feeling! Encouraging though since I could physically feel how close he was. I kept pushing and he finally was out! (Doug says that I pushed about 8 times). It was 4:35 am. My first thought was "He's huge!" and they put him straight onto my chest. I noticed right away the cord that was wrapped once around his neck and urgently told them right away. The doctor took him back and unwrapped the cord and then laid him back on my chest. They toweled him off around me without moving him off my chest, and he cried a little. They rubbed his back to get him to cry a little more, just to make sure that his airways were clear. He was comforted right away though by being on me. I kept just repeating, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe he's here!" I had asked for the cord to stop pulsing before being cut. The doctor got ready to cut it right after he was born and I said,
"Wait! I want it to stop pulsing!" So he waited and then when it was done Doug got to cut the cord. I got to feed him a bit but we mainly cuddled. I felt really loopy and was kind of blabbering with Doug, and nurse, and doctor. I had pushed too hard and was told that I had burst capillaries all over my face. I also burst quite a few in my eyes and look like a Walking Dead Zombie. I had a lot of bleeding in my pelvis that would end up swelling and bruising. I had also tore a little and needed to be stitched up. Even though he was here there was still stuff to be done and I delivered the placenta about 20 minutes later. They also push on your uterus to help it contract and to slow the bleeding. That hurt! Even after labor it hurt. They continually had to push and massage it throughout the day and it was torture every time.  I was offered a Motrin and I took it after being assured that it was safe for breastfeeding.

After an hour and a half, they took baby to be measured and weighed and his PKU test. He was 7 pounds 15 ounces and 21 inches long. The plan was to move us to a postpartum room. But when they sat me up to transfer me to the wheel chair, I got super dizzy and passed out. I've never passed out before and it's such a weird feeling. Like you're almost dreaming and then woken up really quick (with the ammonia pads) and you don't remember laying back down. They had me drink some gatorade and the doctor ordered fluids for my IV. I was also given some biscuit to eat but it just made me feel nauseated. They tried to move me a couple more times but I was too dizzy and was laid down to rest. Two hours later they were able to move me to my room. I don't really remember getting in there though.

Doug's mom had driven down from Pismo as soon as she got our text that we were going to the hospital. Because I had such a hard time transferring she had to wait a long time before being able to see us but she got to hang out with us for a few hours while I tried to get some sleep.

About an hour later they tried to get me to stand so that I could go to the bathroom. I stood up initially but then felt dizzy and fainted again. More ammonia pads that make you gag so you wake up. My ears would ring and I could do nothing but just lay there. A few hours later they tried again but I fainted a third time. My personal doctor was at the hospital now and came to see me. She asked why I had pushed so hard. I told her I was given positive reinforcement from the staff and told to push hard. So I did. If I should have slowed down someone should have told me!

Because I couldn't stand I was kept on my IV of fluids, given a catheter, and also had circulation pads put on my legs (pretty much they alternated pressure like a blood pressure monitor does. Super annoying). Now I was definitely tied down to a bed :(

I called my parents since we hadn't been able to get a hold of them earlier and they both came down on their lunch time to meet baby. Doug and I were still trying to think of what to name him. We had a top 3 of names that we liked but neither of us really had a preference. Doug finally said that he thought he liked Coen the best, and I said that was fine with me! I liked all of our names, but Coen is really special. It means "bold" or "brave" in German. I had thought of it while driving one day. Just came to my head out of the blue.

So now we had a name to introduce him. Coen David Christiansen. His middle name is David for Doug's dad's namesake.

Nana and Papa and our Pastor, Daniel, also came to see him in the early afternoon. Doug stayed with me the whole time at the hospital, sleeping on the most uncomfortable pull out chair imaginable and grabbing food when he could. He also took care of the dirty diapers when the nurses weren't around, and would pick Coen up for me when he started to fuss since I couldn't reach him. And Doug is such a natural with him!

Every time we would get settled, another doctor or nurse would interrupt us. It was frustrating. I'd finally doze off and then they'd need to take my vitals. Coen would be sound asleep finally and they'd need to take his vitals. Understandable, but very frustrating.

We met his pediatrician who we love. I think she's going to be great for him. And I just picked her off of a list of doctors on our insurance plans.

On Wednesday they tried to get me out of bed again. The first time I stood up I started to get dizzy and my ears began to ring so they had me sit down again. But I didn't pass out! So two hours later we tried again. And this time I was able to do it. They had me sit for a while first (ouch!), and then I stood up and was able to hobble to the door and back twice. So they had me sit for 20 more minutes (again, ouch!), and then I walked once more. Hallelujah. I didn't have to wear the leg things anymore, and my IV was through. They took the catheter out as well. I was finally free! I was still really weak and needed help whenever I needed to walk to the bathroom. I got to shower in the middle of the night randomly. I had gone to the bathroom and the nurse asked if I'd like to shower. It was 1 am but I said I would. It did feel amazing.

They kept drawing my blood for my hemoglobin levels since they were low. Luckily I didn't need a blood transfusion, although if things hadn't started looking up I probably would have needed it. I was anemic from all of the blood that had pooled in my pelvis in my bruising. Again, I wonder if the Motrin contributed significantly to that. I hadn't lost too much blood in delivery or after, it was the bruising that zapped my hemoglobin levels. So now I'm on iron supplements and a doctor ordered diet of meat at every meal to help my iron levels return to normal (although it will be a slow process). I don't feel dizzy when I stand, just a bit weak, and I'm not able to be on my feet for too long.

On Thursday Coen was discharged, followed by me a few hours later. We came home and naturally fell asleep immediately. Now we've been home a few days and are still getting the hang of things. It's been exhausting and overwhelming. I knew that it would be hard, but I didn't quite feel prepared for it (but really, how can you be?) Some of my expectations just needed to be adjusted, and some definitions as well. For example, a successful feeding isn't one where he latches on right away, feeds for 20-30 minutes on each side, gets every burp out, and falls back to sleep right after. A successful feeding is one in which he is fed, no matter how long it takes, no matter how much he (or I) gets frustrated and cries, and no matter what he does right after (even though it's 3 in the morning and he's wide awake). He was fed and that is success.

That is the story of our sweet baby boy joining our family. We are so in love with him and can't wait for you to meet him. We'd appreciate prayers as we adjust to this new life and strength to face each day when we're too exhausted to cherish our time with him. We thank you for al of the amazing support of our friends and family and have felt so loved on through the pregnancy and now the birth.

Love,
Doug, Chelle, and Coen


Coming home in his carseat


Milk Drunk passed out


Walkng Dead eyes