When Coen was three months old everyone kept telling us, "I can't believe he's already three months old! That went fast!" I could believe it. It didn't go fast for me. I felt every one of those long days and nights. But the past two months have really gone by fast. And I know it's only going to keep going faster. I keep looking forward to the future and I have to remind myself to cherish this time now. Today I was telling Doug that this is such a short time and I'm not always going to just be able to relax on the couch and nurse a baby without anything else to do. Because when baby #2 eventually gets here, I'll have Coen to take care of and to play with. So I really want to hold onto this special time with my babe.
Coen is definitely unpredictable. I wonder if that is going to always be a word that I use to describe him. Just when you think you have him figured out, he changes it on you. For a while he was sleeping great in a transition suit to help him break the swaddle. After three weeks he decided that he was done using it and is now being swaddled again. For almost a month and a half he slept really well in the crib at night. Now he's back in the swing. Sometimes it feels like one step forward, two steps back, and sometimes it feels like one step forward, five step backwards!
With that, I'm really trying not to have any expectations. I try to do so much research and reading for what my baby "needs" or "should be doing." I do find useful information or tricks for my mama tool box, but I feel like I always walk away deciding that I just need to let things be and not stress about them. I still have a hard time not evaluating how good of a day it was based on whether Coen was a content baby that went along with whatever I wanted to do. That he didn't have a break down in Target. That he didn't fight being put down for a nap. That he let me sit him in his jumperoo while I made a meal. And I don't want to be like that. He's this little person that has a personality and a will. And his will is definitely not going to always agree with mine. There will be times where that is perfectly fine. I get to have a relationship with him, but not if I'm always trying to set the terms of that relationship.
Coen is really becoming so much fun to hang out with. For a long time there all he could do was lay there and stare at you. I always talked and sang to him, but now he responds. He smiles real big at you. He loves touching faces and sometimes he isn't as gentle as he should be. He loves nuzzling into shoulders. He loves laying on his back and doing the "happy baby" yoga pose. He loves swimming and will just lay very still on his back (he could float if his head wasn't so heavy. He also likes doing happy baby in the pool). He is just starting to laugh but is a pretty serious kid. He can sit on his own, but not for very long, and kinda sits like a monkey propped up on his arms. He still loves being read to and is starting to grab the books and eat them. He is very interested in coffee mugs, which worries me for when he gets really good at grabbing stuff. He likes car rides now and most of the time will sit contently in the back even when he doesn't fall asleep. I'll put him on his tummy for tummy time and put a toy maybe a foot away from him. He's figured out how to pull the blanket to get the toy to him. His eyes sparkle and light up and he engages so well with people. He's so much fun to be around.
Lately he hasn't wanted to be rocked to sleep. And that breaks my mama heart. He'll be tired but if you try to rock him he arches his back and squawks/screeches. But if you lay him in his crib or swing he'll fuss for maybe 20 seconds and then be asleep. I knew I wouldn't get to rock him to sleep forever, and that he should learn to fall asleep on his own, but I wasn't ready. Tonight though he was ready for bed and I swaddled him up and he fussed a bit like usual. I picked him up and he was real still in my arms. I couldn't believe that he wasn't making a peep or squirming at all so I just held him and swayed with him. I knew he was asleep and I could put him down but I didn't want to. So I held onto him a little longer before finally putting him down, drinking in every minute. (Next week I'll complain that he wont go to sleep without being rocked haha)
He also really watches us when we eat. I'm excited to let him play with food and see what he thinks when he puts them in his mouth. Which foods he will like and which he'll have no interest in.
There's so much more to learn about this kid and I'm so excited for the adventure.
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