Labyrinth of emotions

There are so many emotions that I'm feeling right now. I can't even describe it. My mom and I were talking about those emotion charts that Doug and I got when we were doing pre-marital counseling counseling that have the list of all the emotions so that we can correctly identify our emotions. Yeah, I feel like all the words describe me right now. Too much emotion for my small body.

I got my first California Lutheran University sweatshirt today. And I got sweatpants :) I'm graduating in a week from today, but I never felt the need to have a sweatshirt on campus. I wanted one for after I was done. Although I didn't buy the alumni one. I didn't want that kind.

I got to spend the day with my mom. We went to CLU to find us both sweatshirts. Then we went to the Thousand Oaks mall to find a graduation dress for me. We searched and searched. It seemed that we went into every store. In junior high/high school, I didn't like the shopping process because by the end of it I had mentally torn my body apart. I liked getting new clothes, but the process of finding ones that fit, being appalled at having grown again--mainly in the hips--and trying to make sure that I'd like the outfits as much as I did in the fitting room.

I still have problems with my body when I go shopping, but they're different ones. It'd hard finding clothes that fit my body in all the right parts. I like my body, but I am so disproportionate sometimes. Really, some items show it much more than others. I've got short legs and a long torso. You can see my rib bones all the way to my neck, yet I've got muffin tops hanging over my jeans. I've got a butt and a waist. So finding something that contains my hips yet hugs my chest can be tricky. And it isn't me, it's the clothes, but it can be discouraging.

My mom and I went to Cheesecake Factory for lunch. I couldn't remember the last time I went to one. It was sooo good. Lots of good food, lots of laughing, deep talks, and chocolate mousse cheesecake.

After walking the mall up and down, perusing Macy's twice, and seeing the Siberian Huskies play at the pet store, I still hadn't found anything. My mom suggested going to the Saks 5th Avenue outlet on our way home. So we did that. And I finally found a dress! Praise God! I noticed that my shoes see to be wearing out though, so I'll be looking for some new ones this week.

It's just so crazy how good stress, like excitement, can be so draining. I hate that!

Tonight I was telling Doug how I was having trouble finding a dress that fit both my top and bottom. He was cute and said, "I have no idea what that is like, but I can comfort you." He's been so sweet lately as I've freaked out and just lost it. I remember that early in our marriage he really didn't know how to handle me when I was emotional and a wreck. He is such a fixer, so when there wasn't anything to fix, he was at a loss as to what to do. He's come to learn that sometimes I just need a good cry and then I'll be ok. So he'll just rub my back, hold me, and offer to make me tea or draw a bath. I love his support and love during those times.

Oh yeah. I dyed my hair back to blonde. It's weird seeing my reflection like this again, even though I've spent most of my life as a blonde. Although right now it's more of a strawberry blonde. Some of the red didn't want to let go. One of my co-workers did it that is going to the Paul Mitchell school. She's touching it up this week to make it look more natural and to lighten it more. I'll post a picture once it's done.

Now I'm super exhausted and just need to sleep for like 15 hours. But can't do that yet. Not till next week. Only finals left! And finish two more papers (but they're both half way done...go me!)