September 11th

It is crazy that today was the 10 year anniversary for the terrorist attacks of September 11th. It's crazy because I can remember it, and it doesn't seem like it was 10 years ago. And it's crazy because I realize that many of the students that we work with probably don't remember it at all. Or remember it affecting their parents more and not really understanding what was happening.

I was 13 and I didn't really know what was happening.

I remember getting ready for school like normal. My family doesn't watch the news in the morning, or any tv for that matter. My mom had gone on a staff planning retreat for the day anyways, and I don't remember seeing my dad or sister that morning. My Nana was driving me to school that day.

I remember turning on the radio like I normally did while I got ready. I didn't understand why it was talk radio when it was a music station. I didn't understand why they weren't playing music, and didn't really listen to what they were saying (I have no clue what was said actually) I just was annoyed that there wasn't any music.

My Nana picked me up and told me what had happened and I started putting together what had happened with the radio and how they had been reporting the plane crashes. I remember we listened to the radio on the way to school, and I remember that something major happened when we were in the car. It might have been the second plane hitting, or it could have been the first tower crumbling. I don't remember.

At school I know that we talked about it, but it wasn't that big of a deal. The teachers were probably trying not to alarm us. It wasn't ignored, but it wasn't highlighted all day.

Those are my memories of that day. I didn't watch all of the news coverage of what had happened until much later. I was able to escape many of the horrors of that day. But I still knew that everything had changed.

I remember talking with our neighbors about it. About the craziness of something big happening in our lifetimes. Something that we would remember and be able to tell our kids about. In history classes, I remember always calculating how old my parents would have been when events took place: the moon landing, Vietnam, the Berlin wall falling. Knowing that they had memories of these events, while we could only read about them in books. And now I had an event. My kids would realize that I had been 13 when it happened when they read about it in history books.

When I was 13 , the thought of war was exciting. Too often it seems that when we can't deal with something, we tend to romanticize it. In my mind, it would have been exciting to be around during WWII. I feel that that war has been the most romanticized. Probably because it was our biggest victory (next to the revolutionary war) in which we emerged stronger and relatively unscathed (geographically, of course). Growing up, I'd pretend I was living during war. I always wondered if there would be a war during my lifetime (I really just had to calculate how often we've had a war in our country's history and I would have realized that it was inevitable). But the idea of war didn't cause dread or fear in my 13 year old self.

Today I felt old. Having 10 years pass that quick will do it. I know that I'm not old. But today I felt my age. I was old enough to have memories of the event commemorated. And have ten years of memories between the time that it happened and now. I started and finished both high school and college in that time, spent a year in the mountains in that time, and got married in that time.

I don't believe in peace. Not that we shouldn't try to live in peace, but it's too optimistic for me. Only with Christ can there be peace on earth. I don't condone just going to war for the heck of it either. But sometimes I find the people who call for peace to be like the annoying people who get in the middle of a conflict and say, "Come on guys, let's just get along." Nothing is solved. Instead the conflict becomes clipped off before either side can really state their case. I'm not saying that war is the only solution either. But I don't think Hitler would have been stopped if there was no World War II. Europe might be Russia if there hadn't been a Cold War. And we would have tea time if there had been no Revolutionary War. There would be an American Confederation without the Civil War (not to mention slaves). All to say that sometimes war is necessary. But sometimes we can't see if it was necessary or not until we come out on the other side. We are quick to judge current times, but who knows, in 10 years time we may be saying that Al Queda and other terrorist organizations would not have been stopped without this war. And we may say that nothing was really gained. Only time will tell.

All I know is that God is in control. He loves us. And he knows what's best. Nothing else matters. We live in a mad world.